April 29

Georgia’s 100WC

‘Rarah!’went the lion. This is the story of the dancing lion, lets begin. Nugget the lion was the most exciting lion in the jungle. He danced around his drum all day. You see he was a very happy lion and the other lions didn’t like that he wasn’t tough and rough, so one day they put a bowl of cornflakes on his drum. Nugget loved cornflakes but the other lions had poisoned them so when Nugget went to eat the cornflakes he thought they were normal, he took a big bit then…….  

 


Posted April 29, 2015 by baker2012 in category Uncategorized

1 thoughts on “Georgia’s 100WC

  1. Chris Osika (Team 100-WC)

    Georgia,
    Oh no! Did something terrible happen to Nugget next? I wish you had a few more words to use to finish this one! I love all of the excitement in your piece, and that made it a joy to read. Take a look at your last sentence. There is definitely more than one complete thought in that one. How could you make that maybe two complete thoughts? Sometimes students get a little excited about being finished and forget about sentence structure at the very end. This one is an easy fix! Well done, and keep writing!

    Reply

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