Lili’s 100WC

The violent storm was horrific; the loud bang of the stormy wind kept crashing through the glass windows of my brick house. All of a sudden, I hear shattering coming from the dark end of the house. I jumped with horror, my teeth clattering. I slowly tiptoe to the cupboard and grabbed the torch. I turned the torch and started walking towards the dark end of the house, I suddenly feel a drift of wind, and it was a cold as an iceberg. Suddenly I felt something pulling me in and all of a sudden I woke up from a terrifying dream.

By Lili

2 Comments on Lili’s 100WC

  1. Mrs Mitchell
    October 30, 2013 at 4:13 pm (6 years ago)

    Well done Lili, some of the adjectives you use are great. Could you maybe use another word apart from sudden or suddenly as these are used quite frequently. Good work!
    from 100wc team

    Reply
  2. Mrs. Middleton (Team 100WC)
    November 3, 2013 at 5:24 pm (6 years ago)

    That was quite a storm, Lili; I am very happy that it was simply a dream. I enjoyed the building of suspense within your story. I was left wondering if it had not been a dream what would have been at the dark end of the house. Some good use of description to help create strong images: teeth chattering, jumped with horror.
    Be careful of verb tense changes as you move between past and present tense which can cause some confusion for the reader.
    Thank you for this week’s post.
    Mrs. Middleton
    (Team 100)

    Reply

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